Madness
by BerryD
Summary: Emil tries to teach Richter how to cook. May goddess Martel be with him on his perilous journey. Suggestive themes, Profanity, yaoi. Stuff like that.
1. Prologue

Well this is my first story, so I decided to associate it with my favorite paring ever. Richter/Emil. :) So how did this idea come to mind? Well, I don't know. So just bare with me. Please excuse any mistakes made in here. xD I'm a huge typo. I'm not the best writer...

Title: Madness

Genre: Humor/romance/friendship

Coupling: Richter/Emil

Rating: T: Suggestive themes, BL

Summary: Emil tries to teach Richter how to cook. May goddess Martel be with him in his perilous journey.

Yep. Its going to be fun. The events happen after the game, so just pretend that no one had to spend the rest of their live in the Gannungap. Yes, that means Ratatosk and Richter. Emmy-kins can't teach anyone how to cook unless his soul mate comes back from hell, and he needs his evil look alike around to harass him!

ALSO. Richter and Emil are already going to be...together! -squeee!- Yep. So what was their dramatic love story of realization? I don't know. Make one up. Or just read one of the other stories here. Also! They live in Luin! In Emil's house! No Aunt Flora or Uncle what's-his-face. They died in some freak accident, I guess. Richter killed them for beating Emil. Thats a freak enough accident for me. Maybe I'll do a crackfic about that. xD

So everyone else is trying to continue their lives, normally/semi-normally.

But before you read the prologue! Add my Live Journal. [click on web page link on profile] There you will be able to see my brain storming and suggest what food Emil and Richter try to cook next!

Now! On to the story!

* * *

"Richter!" A some what high pitched squeal called out through the darkness of the bed room. "Your such a bed hog!" The voice was now an annoyed moan. Of course there was no response from the lone occupant of the bed because like most people, he was sleeping, unlike Emil, who had woken up on the floor. Okay so it wasn't entirely Richter's fault. The bed was only meant for one person but Richter was the one with all the money, but becuase he was so cheep, a new bed was out of the question.

Emil stood up and brushed his silk, white with green polka dots pajamas off of any dirt that had latched on when he hit the floor. His green eyes wondered over to Richter, who was sleeping soundly in the center of the bed. If anyone could look drop dead serious(and gorgeous) and sleep at the same time then it was Richter, but he did seem more relaxed then when he was awake. Sometimes, even though it might endanger his life, Emil would wonder what would happen, if he braided the others long locks as he slept or just gently pinched his nose. A simple pay back for his sleep being interrupted to soon.

The blond sat on the edge of the bed and let his fingers run through the others fiery red hair. The braiding thing didn't seem like such a bad idea at the moment....No, never mind. It seemed like a terrifying idea. The whole entire scene played through the younger ones mind. He would be enjoying himself in his fan girlish fantasy when all of the sudden, Richter would wake up. Then he would turn Emil in to a human pretzel, bury him in the backyard, and then go back to sleep. Well, maybe that was a dramatization. What would really happen is that Richter would wake up and give Emil that: What the hell are you doing look. Then Emil would make a cute pout at the older man, and apologize with a stutter and blush as he looked down pathetically. Then Richter would feel like a total ass for unknown reasons and then tell the other to forget about it and then go back to sleep. But then in the morning Richter would give him hell about it and ask him the most confusing questions that are impossible to understand because Emil is simple and naive and would just try to end everything with a hug.

But you see, Richter was like a rose. Absolutely stunning, but completely bad ass. Hug him, and you might get your eyes ripped, um, poked out. But Emil was like that brave...butterfly! Very skillful and knew exactly was to do with someone this prickly. Thinking about all the privileges he had being with Richter, Emil bent over and moved some of that red hair out of the others face. Wow, absolutely breathtaking. He had the most amazing skin, naturally tanned. A thing that most girls would kill for. Emil didn't even realize it but his own hand went to his own cheek. Oh, no. He wasn't jealous was he? No, not at all, even though the idea of making a natural mud face mask was running through his head!

What was he? A man or a dog! Um, wait. Wrong phrase. A Man or a Woman?! Oh no! What if he was becoming a transvestite? Uh oh. Emil looked around in a panic. Quickly! He needed to do something manly! Destination: Kitchen? Why not?

When he stepped onto the tiled floor, he jumped slightly at the coldness at his feet. Note to self: Don't forget bunny slippers on quest to manly hood....Wait, what? Forget that. He needed to eat something manly. He had a small stature, soft features, innocent personality, which made him look naturally feminine. Not a good thing. He needed a mans food. Food of his choice. Ice cream*. Now that he had his food, he grabbed a weapon of his choice. A gigantic spoon.

Next step. Personality change. Man, He was really good at pretending to be a jerk like Ratatosk, but he wanted that feeling! That feeling of manly bitchiness that just didn't come so naturally to him like a certain someone he knew and loved. What would put him in a foul mood? Well recently, Marta had told him of a radio show that really upset her. Why not give a go? He walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. He turned on old radio, that had belonged to his aunt. He never really was fond of the radio shows or music. Whatever. He turned the switch.

Mean while, Richter was waking up from his all very much unneeded beauty sleep. He sat up and stretched and observed his surroundings as if there was a chance of rabid fan girls being close by. Something felt different. Cold...Oh, wait. That's because he didn't have that extra mound of body heat latched onto him like he normally did when he woke up. Where was Emil anyway? Oh well, that didn't matter. He was probably in the kitchen, doing what he normally does. The red head stood up and walked into the bathroom. He turned on the shower and began to strip off his grey striped pajamas, revealing his slim, but muscular body. [Oh yes, I'm going there.-blush-] He stepped into the shower and began the complicated process of washing his hair.

Shampoo. Rinse. Conditioner. Brush. Rinse. Brush some more. More conditioner. Rinse. Brush. Dry. Brush. Spray. Style. Spray.

As he washed, he heard a faint sound, coming through the wall from the kitchen. He sighed and told himself not to bother but after a few minutes he got a little annoyed and leaned against the cold surface of the shower. After some concentration he was finally able to hear voices and dramatic music through the loudness of the shower. He heard a violin and the sound of a woman's voice: "That was amazing!" Wait what? Did Emil invite some musical friends over or something? Was it a celebrity? But then he heard the sound of a man's voice, to manly to be Emil's. "Thank you!" This made him raise an eye brow. Okay, strange...

He turned off the shower and dried himself of before putting on the black robe that Emil had gotten him for his twenty second birthday. Not really the most preferable gift, but it was the thought that counted. He opened the door and coldness blasted through the frame quickly. He sighed, taking it all in and flipped his damp hair back behind his shoulders. But as soon as he took that first step through the door, his foot connected with something soft, and he ended up doing a face plant on to the floor. He sat up and sighed, trying his best not to use profanity, but letting a few 'damn it's' escape his lips. Fierce green eyes stared at what laid at the front of the bathroom door. The thing, or things, that had humiliated him in front of no one. His glare softened slightly. Pink bunny slippers. He rolled his eyes and stood up....well his feet were a little cold and making fun of Emil indirectly was always fun. He slipped them and was going to be quite honest with himself. " Ridiculous..." He said in the usual calm tone of his. But he couldn't help it. He was smirking in the inside.

But he had no reason to feel so ridiculous after what he saw in the kitchen.

He walked in and saw his lover at the table, eating a gallon of napoleon ice cream. Tears were in his eyes and on his face were the emotions of sadness and anger. The younger one let out a small sob, took a tissue, and dabbed it to his eyes. Richter's mouth dropped at this site. He really wanted to ask who died, but that wouldn't have been really appropriate. His hands drifted to the piece of fabric that held his robe together. He began to tighten it, giving himself something to do as he watched this little show.

"NO STELLA! STELLLLLLLLLLA!!!!!!!" A voice cried from the Radio.

Emil let out a choked sob and whimpered, "B-but Senel! What about Chloe? She loves you too!"

Another voice. This one was higher and instantly annoyed both of them. "NO STELLA, STELLA, DON'T GOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Emil's eyes narrowed and he almost hissed. "Shut up Shirley! Your the one getting in the way of Senel and Chloe's relationship!"

Then the broadcaster came on. "Next time on Tales of Legendia, Will Senel be able to move one after Stella's death, and if he does, who will he choose. What's going on between Walter and Fenimore, and why does Jay cut himself?! Tune in next week."

"Coming on next: Tales of the Abyss!"

"REPLICAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" This voice sounded violent and very angry.

Richter was becoming a little worried at this time. Was Emil listening to...soap operas**? Disturbing...He walked over to the younger boy and placed his hands on the others shoulders. In response, Emil jumped slightly, let out a small yelp, and dropped his spoon in to his ice cream.

"R-Richter...? Um, I-I..." He stammered, trying to think of a quick escape out of this situation. "uhhh..." He trailed off feeling the others lips against his ear. He felt the heat rise on his own face. He of all people knew that Richter could be undeniably kinky without even realizing it, like now. Emil could feel the damp hair brush against his neck, and he smelt so good. What was it...Strawberries? Oh! Was he finally using that shampoo he suggested? [ADHD moment.]

"If you keep eating like that..." Richter began, sounding completely unfazed. "You'll gain a lot of weight."

Emil gave a nervous smile and turned his head slightly so that he could see the others face. "Oh, thanks for the warning, I'll make sure to remember next time." He said this with no sarcasm at all, but Richter could tell that he was very annoyed with the hint.

Richter reached over Emil's shoulder, reaching for the radio. This of course alarmed Emil, so he grabbed Richter's hand right has it reached the dial. "H-hey, I'm listening that!" He said, pulling the others hand away from the radio. This made the redhead raise and eyebrow and stare at Emil with the smallest hint of curiosity.

"May I ask wh-"

"No."

He stared and then shrugged. "Suite yourself." He walked over to the other side of the small table and sat down. He observed Emil for a few minutes and suddenly felt this ping of annoyance in his head. Emil had all his attention on the radio....Not that he was jealous or anything. Really. Was this thing that fascinating that Emil could just ignore his attractive boyfriend sitting right in front of him. Really? He sat back in his chair and sighed. Then he realized something. He was hungry and at this time, Emil usually had breakfast ready. Richter looked around the kitchen. Well it was obvious that nothing was cooking.

"Emil, What's for breakfast?"

Emil didn't even look up from the radio. "Make it yourself." Not really the best thing to say. Of course it shocked Richter slightly, hearing such a bold response from someone like Emil. "Emil, have you forgotten something?" He asked, leaning forward to empathize how serious he was about this subject. For a moment it wouldn't have been over reacting if Richter accused Emil of trying to kill him so he could be with that damn radio.

Emil looked up from the radio and when seeing the look on his face, he remembered everything clearly.*** "O-Oh...Oh! Heh, I-I'm sorry! I forgot!" He said, now trying to nervously rubbing the back of his head.

Silence.

"REPLICAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

Both of their eyes drifted to the radio. Richter sighed and looked at Emil, "Ugh, Please turn that off." He received a pleading look from Emil but ignored it. When Richter said please, it meant business. Emil let out a defeated sigh and shut it off.

"O-oh, yeah. okay..."

Silence.

"Richter...?"

"What is it?"

"I'm going to teach you how to cook, so I can have more time listen to the radio instead of slaving over a hot oven." Emil smiled.

"Really." Not a question, but a statement. "Well, I find this unnecessary but whatever you want to do is fine with me. Just don't blame me if we end up having to buy a new home."

That wiped that smile right off his face. 'O-Oh no. I hope we have fire extinguishers.'

* * *

*Ice cream; Comfort food for most women...

**Soap operas; You can see the irony in all of this can't you? Emil tries to be a man but he's doing it in all the wrong ways. Also, hes listening to soaps on the radio because I don't think they have Tvs in their world. Also, I hope you enjoyed the little tol/Tota references in there. I'm going to put so Tov in there soon. xD

***If you played the game and did the Richter Side quests then you'll get a skit. Richter tries to cook. When Emil tastes his food, he thinks hes going to die and starts talking nonsense, going into a mental brain block. Then Richter starts talking to himself becuase Emil is in lala land and he states that this was his first time cooking, ever.

Yep. I know it probably sucks. I tried to keep them IC but romance isnt really that easy when it comes to these people. xD but hey, I think I did an okay job. Review! And add my LJ to see my Idea on what will be the first dish made in this kitchen. :)


	2. Smoothies lead to scandals

Wow! Sorry for the late update. Summer projects suck. D;

But thanks for the reviews! 3

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters or Tales of Symphonia Dawn of the New World. If I did…Well let's just say that there would be a lot of…You know…Hmpf!

By the way; Alice and Decus aren't dead in this story so...How did they come back to life? I don't know.

Now on with the story.

* * *

_Last time on Madness:_

_Silence._

_"REPLICAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"_

_Both of their eyes drifted to the radio. Richter sighed and looked at Emil, "Ugh, Please turn that off." He received a pleading look from Emil but ignored it. When Richter said please, it meant business. Emil let out a defeated sigh and shut it off._

_"O-oh, yeah. Okay..."_

_Silence._

_"Richter...?"_

_"What is it?"_

_"I'm going to teach you how to cook, so I can have more time listen to the radio instead of slaving over a hot oven." Emil smiled._

_"Really." Not a question, but a statement. "Well, I find this unnecessary but whatever you want to do is fine with me. Just don't blame me if we end up having to buy a new home."_

_That wiped that smile right off his face. 'O-Oh no. I hope we have fire extinguishers.'_

* * *

'Why do I get myself into these messes…?' Emil thought to himself as he stood up from his seat. Eating Richter's cooking was worse than jumping off the tower of salvation. A very dumb idea. And teaching him how to cook was like telling Zelos not to flirt with women. Richter was stubborn and very unenthusiastic about the whole situation. "Okay Richter, let us start with…H-Hey!" He practically yelled in an almost offended way.

Richter had already stood up and began walking back to the bed room. When he reached the door he turned and faced Emil. "I hope you don't plan on staying in your…pajamas all day." He said looking at the boy with a somewhat confused expression. Polka dots…

Emil grabbed the others wrist and pulled him forward. "N-no! I'm keeping my eye on y-you. I-I don't know if you plan on escaping while I'm not l-looking!"

Richter couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"D-don't roll your eyes at me!" Emil squealed.

"I didn't."

"O-oh, o-okay."

Richter almost made the same mistake. Emil was so gullible that it was almost funny.

Emil pulled him over to the kitchen counter. "Stay here and don't touch anything." Emil said, actually pretty seriously. Richter sighed and watched as the blond began to pull fruit, milk and ice out of the refrigerator. He set all the ingredients on the counter and then smiled up at Richter. "We're going to make fruit smoothies!"

"Well, I guess that won't be too hard." Replied the red head as he looked at the ingredients.

Emil nodded and pulled out a butter knife. "Cut the fruit and be careful, it's sharp."

Richter wasn't even sure if he could trust Emil to teach him how to cook. He could even tell that that was even the wrong type of knife and that Emil was being overly cautious because butter knives weren't really sharp. Still, he took the knife and tried not to stare at Emil like he was crazy.

"Wait, I-I forgot the sugar." Emil turned to the cabinet and pulled out a bag of the substance and when he turned back to Richter, all the fruit had already been cut, but that wasn't what surprised him. Well, it was more like scare. The red head was holding a sharp cutting knife. Leave it to Richter to be talented with knives. Emil smiled nervously and walked back over.

"W-well, I-I s-see t-that y-your f-f-f-f-"

Richter took notice that Emil was stuttering more than usual now, which was a bad thing since the boy stuttered all the time. "Are you alright…?" He asked, gently pulling the sugar away from the boy.

"Yeah, I'm great!"

For some reason, he wasn't convinced.

Emil pulled the blender forward and threw the fruit in, then poured in a cup of milk and a few handfuls of ice before adding a spoon of sugar. He was reaching for the lid to the blender when suddenly, the front door flew open. Both of them turned around, startled at the sudden noise.

Ratatosk ran into the kitchen and grabbed Emil by the wrist and pulled him out side. It all happened so fast that he didn't have time to panic. Richter stood there and just shrugged. His gaze drifted to the blender.

"Emil! You have to help me!"

"Uh, w-why?" The shy one asked, trying not to look so annoyed. He wasn't really planning on being pulled outside of his house in his pajamas.

Ratatosk looked away, as if he was feeling a bit uncomfortable about this. "I uhhh, got kick out."

Emil's mouth dropped open. "WHAT?" This was hard to believe. Sure, Ratatosk could be a prick, but Marta was so smitten with him! "I-impossible…"

"Yeah, that's what I said, but she blew it when I came home late one night."

"What did y-you do?"

"Nothing! Me and Decus went to the bar and lost track of time. I didn't even get drunk, but Decus was so wasted that I had to carry him home! I told Marta, but she doesn't believe me…"

"W-why?"

"Because she thinks I would have just left Decus there and come straight home…The one time I try to be nice and I get in trouble for it…" Ratatosk looked down and put on his so fake 'Help me I'm pathetic' face. "Could I…stay here for a while?"

Emil knew very well that Ratatosk could just go live in a tree for a while but he wasn't going to tell him that. He crossed his arms and looked at the sky. "I'll have to talk to Richter about it."

Ratatosk groaned in response. "But he'll say no!"

"Y-You don't know that…"

"Uh huh…"

"S-seriously! L-lets go ask him n-now!"

That when they both heard the sound of a blender and food splattering everywhere followed by the cursing of a furious Richter.

The silence seemed like hours.

Emil stepped away from the door. "N-never mind! We should g-g-g-go!" The blond turned around and saw Ratatosk, who was grinning like there was no tomorrow.

"Oh hell no! I have to see this!" Ratatosk said, pushing past Emil and opening the door. Emil's hand went to his mouth, forcing himself not to laugh.

Richer stood there covered in chopped up pieces of fruit. Milk was all over his face and ice was on the floor. Leftover food was all over the counter. The hilarity would of lasted longer if the look of Richter's face wasn't a sign that all hell was about to break loose.

Ratatosk leaned over to Emil and whispered in his ear: "Be a suck up to him before we're both skewered." Emil was cute and cuddly so if there was hope on living until tomorrow, then he'd have to act now.

Emil blushed slightly and walked over to the fuming ticking bomb and threw his arms around his neck before whimpering a helpless, "I-I'm sorry…" In the most pathetic voice he could pull out. The green eyed blond sighed in victory as he felt a hand place its self on his head.

Ratatosk grinned at the adorable couple and decide to shake things up, which probably not a good idea. He walked over to both of them with a confident smile on his face and wrapped his arms around both of them before shouting in a mock tone: "I love you guys!" One minute he was snuggling his face into Emil blond hair, the next, he was on the floor with Richter's foot right on his gut.

"Don't touch me…" Richter said before walking to the other side of the room to cool off.

Emil didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. He helped his evil counterpart off the ground. "Um, I-I'm sorry Ratatosk. H-He's j-just really cranky." He stated, trying to ease the red eyes anger.

"No shit! I can see that!" He snarled, imaging the terrible things he'd do to the red head in the future. He held is stomach and winced in pain. "God, I think I'm going to be sick."

"W-well, not on the f-floor, I already have e-enough to clean up." Emil said, patting Ratatosk on the back while he observed the messy room. "R-Richter, I think you should a-apologize…"

"No."

"B-bu-"

"But No."

Emil crossed his arms and pouted. "I-It wasn't necessary to try to smash R-Ratatosk through the floor. N-Now he's in pain."

"Hn."

Emil blinked back angry tears and grabbed Ratatosk out of the kitchen and into his bed room. Emil sat on the edge of the bed while Ratatosk crossed his arms and stood in front to him. He knew exactly what Emil was going to say.

"R-Ratatosk, I-I don't think R-Richter likes me a-anymore…"

Ratatosk rolled his eyes. "You say this every time you guys get into a fight. He's just PMSing."

Emil blinked a few times in confusion. "B-but that's not even p-possible, is it?"

Ratatosk had to fight the urge to face palm himself. "I was being sarcastic, Emil. Richter is Richter. Moody and well, temperamental."

"O-Oh! Like Y-you!?"

Ratatosk had to fight the urge to slap Emil right on the face, knowing that that would make things worse, since he was attempting to cheer him up. He hated being compared to Richter. "No! We are nothing alike, now shut up!"

"W-what! You can't tell me what to do! T-this is my house!" Emil whimpered loudly, clearly upset.

Then the door opened and Richter walked in, still looking angry as he did before. All three of them stared at each other for a second before abruptly looking in a different direction. The silence stayed as Richter walked into the bathroom to take another shower.

Ratatosk looked at Emil with a very curious expression now. "Heh, what was with those slippers?"

Emil Stared at him like he had no clue what he was talking about. Richter didn't own any slippers.

"You know, the bunny ones?"

Then it clicked in Emil's mind. "My s-s-slippers!"

"Oh! Your slippers!? Huh, that's pretty cute, Emmy-chan." Ratatosk said pinching his cheek in a mean but joking way.

Emil blushed and rubbed his sore cheek before standing up. "H-He's going to pay for t-t-that!" He began walking to the bathroom.

Ratatosk's mouth dropped open. He didn't think Emil would go that far. "Aw come on Emil, It's not that bad…" He snickered, but at the same time, trying to convince Emil that he was in a death trap if he went into that bathroom.

"B-But he's making fun of m-me! I haven't even noticed it until you said something. He's m-mean, thinking he can just make fun of my c-clothes and t-thinking he can get away with it…"

Ratatosk then formed an idea. A very evil one. "Well, to get back at him, just put on some of his clothes!"

"But won't he get mad at me?"

"Do you really have to ask me that? That's that whole point." Ratatosk was already in the closet, invading Richter stuff. He pulled out one of the white shirts that the red head normally wore under his black outfit. It would be a little big on Emil, but that was the whole point. He flung the shit at the boy, who then looked at him confused.

"Uh, p-pants?"

"No."

"N-No!? B-but…But…"

"Don't worry, it will cover you enough. Take everything off except underwear." He commanded.

Emil did what he was told, even though he wasn't really comfortable with this situation, but the shirt was really comfortable and it smelt like Richter, so he didn't complain. Still, it was impossible to hide the blush on his face and Ratatosk was making it worse with the way he was grinning at him.

"Aw, Emil. You look so precious; I could just take you myself."*

"T-Take me? As in k-kidnapping?"

What an idiot. "N-Never mind…" Ratatosk said, now trying to fight his own blush. "Now, get on the bed. Lean your back against the head board."

Emil didn't know where this was going but he listened to the commands. Ratatosk walked over and studied him closely, which made Emil even more nervous.

"Spread your legs out."

"W-what!?"

"Trust me just do it, but not too far, you need to look tempting." He stated, placing a hand on the boys shoulder, moving the shirt a little so that it would be falling off, revealing his skin. Ratatosk grinned at his creation, but there seemed to be something missing. He looked around the room be for spotting something on the night stand. Richter glasses, which were by the way, very stylish. He picked them up and placed them on Emil's face. "Perfect…now…masturbate."

"WHAAAAAAT! NO! WHY?! NO! AH!"

"Because! You need to look like you want it. Like you want him. Just touch yourself and moan his name. Oh, and drool a little." The other hissed hoping that Richter did not hear the screaming that Emil had caused.

"No I'm doing that. Ohhh, I'm supposed to be teaching him how to cook, not…not…"

"Seducing him…?"

"I knew it! This is just another one of your sex scandals, isn't it?" Emil implied accusingly.

"It took you that long to notice?"

"Well, ye-" Emil was caught off when the bathroom door opened revealing Richter, who was soaking wet, with a towel around his waist. His expression was dead serious.

"What's with all the noise in-"He stopped, catching a glimpse at Emil. "What's going on here?"

But his question was ignored because Ratatosk and Emil where staring at him with awe on their faces. Long wet hair framed his face. It came down over his shoulders like a fiery waterfall. His body was perfect. Slim and muscular. Piercing green eyes that saw through the soul. A glare that screamed dominance. He looked like some sort of fire god, ready to burn them all. Especially the burning part.

Ratatosk tore his gaze away, bringing his hand to his face; placing it over his nose. He began to question his sexuality. He was not gay, he was not gay, and he was not — well maybe a little bit. Why else did he harass Emil all the time and then be completely stunned by someone he didn't get along with. He needed to make out with a girl. Now. He looked at Emil. Crap! That was the closest thing to a girl at the moment.

"E-Emil…I feel light headed…I'm going to go in the kitchen and leave you two here…to talk…" He staggered out of the room.

Emil was still silent, but that was okay because Richter was too.

Emil was the first to act. He stood up from the bed and walked over to the other male, who was staring intently at him. He was almost afraid to meet his gaze. It was pretty obvious that his blush was taking up most of his face. He didn't know what to say so…"I-I'm sorry…" He said and then he held his arms out to the other and looked up at him longingly.

Richter blinked. Why was he sorry this time? He was the one that started this whole mess and then Ratatosk had to get involved and now look what happened. He sighed but he stepped forward into Emil's embrace.

Emil wrapped his arms around the others waist and peered up at him. He ran his small hand up against damp skin of his back until it reached the center of his shoulder blades. He began to massage there, hopping to ease the tenseness of the other male. He used his other hand to run it through the long, wet tresses. He nuzzled his face against his neck and sighed comfortably. "R-Richter, you s-should relax more…" He stated.

"Relax…That's impossible with all the mischief you cause."

Emil pulled back, but only a little to look at Richter. "M-Me? I didn't do anything!"

"It was your idea to teach me how to cook." He said, now looking at the door that led to the hallway and to the kitchen.

"B-But it's for a good cause…" Emil said, now placing his hands on each side of the older males face, signaling him to look at him. "Richter, y-your cooking k-kills." And he didn't let Richter reply to that statement because he then leaned forward, tilting his own head up to place a timid kiss on his lips. When Emil pulled away, he smiled up innocently at him before asking the question that had been nagging him the whole time. "R-Richter…Do I-I look…t-take-able…?"*

Richter could only stare at him in disbelief.

* * *

*"Aw, Emil. You look so precious; I could just take you myself." --Ratatosk is being a pervert, talking about taking Emil's virginity, even though that is clearly not his job!

*"R-Richter…Do I-I look…take-able…?" --- Poor Emil. He has no clue what he's talking about…

Wow, that was fun typing up. I'll try start updating faster now. I don't know how long this story will be. Oh well. Food and sex humor is the best, is it not? And FYI, don't plan on the rating going up, I don't know if I'm good enough for that yet. –blush-

Now, What will Richter have to say to Emils question? And will Ratatosk be allowed to move in? Will Richter be able to make a meal without killing some one? Who knows?


	3. Cereal Sucks

Wow, thanks for the nice reviews guys. They make me really happy! :333

Disclaimer: If I owned TOS: dotnw then I wouldn't be writing fan fiction now would I?

Last time on Madness; things got pretty awkward thanks to our favorite lord of all monsters.

* * *

Last time on Madness;

"It was your idea to teach me how to cook." He said, now looking at the door that led to the hallway and to the kitchen.

"B-But it's for a good cause…" Emil said, now placing his hands on each side of the older males face, signaling him to look at him. "Richter, y-your cooking k-kills." And he didn't let Richter reply to that statement because he then leaned forward, tilting his own head up to place a timid kiss on his lips. When Emil pulled away, he smiled up innocently at him before asking the question that had been nagging him the whole time. "R-Richter…Do I-I look…t-take-able…?"*

Richter could only stare at him in disbelief.

* * *

Only Emil could pull up the courage to ask that, but only because he didn't know what he was asking. For once in his life, Richter could not process the words quickly. He was too busy asking himself WHY this was happening. Why Emil was in his clothes and asking this insane question. He couldn't just say no because that would be an obvious lie…He felt so dirty for just staring. He needed another shower.

The red head tried to pull away from Emil but the boy latched onto him. Emil noticed his attempt and looked up at him; a pouty expression forming on his face. "W-wait, I'm not letting go until you answer my q-question." He demanded.

"I need…Clothes." Richter said, obviously not so comfortable with the fact that he only had a bath towel around his waist. If anyone were to walk in at the moment, like Ratatosk, then that could form a problem. Of course, this was his fault after all, so even if he did walk in then he'd just laugh and make some inappropriate joke; make Emil cry, and piss Richter off. And this made him think: What was Ratatosk doing there anyways? Shouldn't he burning cities down or biting the heads of flowers? Whatever he does in his free time?

Richter finally managed to get out of Emil death grip; ignoring the blond's protests. He walked over to the closet and began to pull out his normal outfit. Emil turned away to give him his privacy while at the same time, a blush forming on his face. He looked down at himself. Maybe he should change too? Richter might get mad if he just walked around in his clothes. Well actually…maybe it wouldn't hurt to keep the shirt on. Richter probably wouldn't ask him about anyways. Of course, he'd have to put on pants.

Emil walked over to the dresser and opened one of the doors. He looked over his selection. There was a pink pair of pants in here, courtesy from Zelos. There was a yellow pair too. He didn't know were those came from. Wasn't there anything in here that wouldn't make him look…gay? Sure he was in love with a guy but he didn't want to look like it…After a few more seconds of looking about, he finally found a pair of simple black pants. He made a note to himself to stop buying so much blue and buy colors suited for other outfits.

After he was done putting those on he turned around, finding that Richter was standing right in front of him fully dressed. Well almost. No glasses. The red head stayed silent and held his hand out, signaling for their return. Or course, Emil didn't want to agree with this, so he tried side stepping the man, which ended up failing. Emil felt a hand grab his wrist.

"You're not getting away with those." Richter said calmly.

Emil turned to the older man; crossing his arms and pouting; his 'that's not fair' look. Richter ignored the glare and placed a hand on the side of Emil's face, cradling his head gently. With the other hand he pulled the glasses away from his face and placed them on his own. Emil took this opportunity to wrap his arms around the others neck an nuzzle in face into his shoulder. "B-but-"

Suddenly, a loud yell came from the kitchen. Obviously, it was Ratatosk. The sudden noise made Emil jump and Richter walk over to the door to see what was wrong.

"GOD DAMN IT! Those bastards! They killed Ion! Arrgh!" Ratatosk banged his fist on the kitchen table. The radio was on once more and it seemed to have ticked off the lord of all monsters. But Richter could not really believe that Ratatosk, of all people, would be listening to soap operas.

Emil, on the other hand, was freaking out. He ran over to the table and slammed hands on it surface. "W-WHAT!" He shouted his eyes widened horror. "N-No. Please…not Ion." Ratatosk could only shake is his head sadly.

Richter leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms. This was pitiful. Was he the only man in the house? He looked around the kitchen. It was still a mess. Didn't Ratatosk even think about helping to clean up the mess? Apparently not. That made him realize something. He was still hungry, but Emil was too busy crying over the radio so he doubted that he would make him something to eat now.

He walked over to the cabinet and opened the door. There was cereal. Special K?* Was that Emil's? Cheerio's? Hell no. He refused to eat something with a name like that. Reese's puffs? Who comes up with these names? Well. It was the only option he had so Reese's puffs it was. He pulled out the box. It was chocolaty. He didn't like sweets…oh well. He placed it on the table.

Ratatosk looked at the box. "Oh hey cereal! I'm starving. I'm sure you don't mind, right, Emil?"

Emil was now sitting at the table. He blinked back tears and sniffed. "N-No, Not at a-all…"

Ratatosk went over to the cabinet and pulled out a bowl. Then he went to the refrigerator and got milk. He sat back down and opened the box and poured some of the cereal in is bowl, before passing the box to Richter, who was now looking at the substance with disgust. Maybe he should have gotten cheerios…

They didn't even notice that Emil had gotten up to get the box of special K. He poured some into his own bowl. He glanced around the table and saw that he was being stared at. "W-What?"

Ratatosk shrugged. "It's just…You're eating something so plain…" Ratatosk said, a grin now forming on his face. "I thought you would want to eat fruit loops."*

This made Emil stand up in rage, his face now turning a vibrant red. "W-What! You J-Jerk!" He yelled, blinking back tears. But the sudden movement of Emil caused the table to shake, making the open milk jug tip over…on to Richter's lap. He immediately stood up and glared at the blonds, who were staring back at him in fear. Ratatosk stood up from his seat so he wouldn't be the only one sitting.

Milk was all over the front of Richter shirt and his pants. It was a disgusting feeling. Sticky and cold. He was so shocked that he didn't even get to show off his anger.

Ratatosk leaned over closer to Emil. "Suck up to him if you want live." He whispered.

Much to his disbelieve, Emil shook his head. "N-No way! I'm not h-hugging him like that." The blond said, his lower lip quivering.

It only was a few seconds but it felt like hours, until Richter groaned in frustration and turned away to walk back into the bed room. Shower number three! Ratatosk and Emil stood there for a few minutes before finally sighing and slumping back into their seats.

"Wow, looks like someone is handling their anger problems better." Ratatosk declared.

Emil nodded. Of course he was. They were living together after all, so that meant that they had to get along. Emil didn't want to amid it, but one angry look would send him into the verge of tears. When you put on overly sensitive person with a temperamental time bomb, it usually didn't go so well. But of course, Emil was the only person that could bring out Richter's 'soft' side…if you could even call it that.

"Yeah…It must be h-hard for him to be s-so nice to me, with my c-clumsiness and all…" Emil said, nervously playing with his fingers. He then remembered whose shirt he was wearing. Richter didn't even bother telling him to take it off, even though it was obvious that he was still confused about why we was wearing it. Of course, Emil couldn't tell him why. It would be to embarrassing…this was Ratatosk's fault. If he hadn't arrived then he and Richter would be eating fruit smoothes while cuddling in bed, listening to the radio. He didn't realize that he was glaring at Ratatosk for the longest time.

"What's with that look?" The red eyed asked. It wasn't every day that Emil stared at someone like he wanted to kill them. Okay, sure he caused Emil to leave Richter unsupervised in the kitchen, which lead to its destruction, but it wasn't his fault the Richter was an idiot. Even Lloyd knew how to work a blender correctly…wait. That might be pushing it too far. Lloyd would have stuck his hand in it just to see what would happen. Thinking of this made him shiver.

Emil pursed his lips in an angry fashion. "It's going to be your fault when Richter gets so traumatized that he'll never come into the kitchen again. He's going to hide himself in the bathroom and then I'm going to have to bring him food."

Ratatosk simply snickered and leaned back in his chair. "Sooooo Emil…Can I stay here?" He asked, changing the subject.

This angered Emil. Ratatosk had no right to ask that after the mess he made. But the Emil got an idea that would benefit him. "Sure, y-you can stay b-but only if y-you clean up this m-mess!" The blond stated.

Ratatosk raised an eyebrow. Emil was a sly one when he put his mind to it. It did take a lot of motivation not to just throw a fit and leave. He had nowhere else to go, so he went along with the deal. He nodded. "Alright then. Fine, I'll do it." He said standing up and walking to the sink to get a sponge. This was going to be a lot of work.

Meanwhile, in the shower:

Shampoo. Rinse. Conditioner. Brush. Rinse…wait? Why was he washing his hair again? He only did get drenched in milk from the waist down…He cursed to himself. But since he was already in the process it would be a waste to stop now…Emil was going to kill him for wasting so much water. He leaned his back against the shower wall and sighed. He needed a vacation. Taking care of Emil AND Ratatosk was too much. Again, what's with Ratatosk? The red head closed his eyes. Thinking about the angry blond gave him a headache.

To make things worse, he heard that voice from the kitchen screaming out profanity. Richter was just about to consider sneaking away from the house, but then poor Emil would be left alone with that crazy bastard and there was no telling on what he'd do to him. Richter could sense that the demon lord had some 'secrets.' Some that even disturbed him.

He pulled out of the shower and put on some clean clothes. When he walked out of the bedroom he cautiously looked around through the doorframe. He didn't want to end up taking another shower. He did notice that the kitchen was cleaner so that must have meant that someone was finally being useful. He brought his gaze over to the table. Emil and Ratatosk were sitting down. Ratatosk looked angry. Very angry. He held in his hand a note, which he was glaring at.

"What happened?" He asked.

Emil was the one to answer. "M-Marta came by and s-slipped this n-note under the d-door." He said softly.

Richter walked over to them and pulled the note out of Ratatosk's hands, but he didn't notice. He was probably thinking of ways to take this out all on them. The red head scanned over the note. It read:

**Dear jackass, Lord of all jackasses,**

**I know you're hiding with Emil and Richter so don't even bother telling me else wise. You better not burden them with your scheming. Emil's to fragile for you wild ways and you piss Richter off just by being alive. I know it won't be long until they kick you out. I want to know what really happened that night. Don't bother showing your face around me until you are willing to tell me the truth.**

**-Marta**

The red head tore his gaze away from the paper back to the angry blond. Ouch. That was harsh. But she was right. Ratatosk did piss him off. What did he do anyways? And what did she mean by hiding?…wait…oh no…not here…

"R-Richer…Ratatosk will b-be staying with us for a while…"

God damn it. This made him want to punch a baby. Preferably Emil.

As soon as Emil had said that, Richter turned around so fast, his face expressing annoyance. "What?! And why is that?"

The blond bit his lip nervously. He hated when Richter was angry, but he had the reason to. He was the one that allowed Ratatosk to stay without asking the other permission. But he couldn't help it. Ratatosk seemed in so much trouble and it would be terrible to just abandon him in his time of _need._ "W-Well it's only t-the right thing to d-do…" Emil said, his face now heating up in embarrassment.

There was a silence after that.

"So…" Ratatosk began after finally calming himself down, "Where do I sleep?"

"In the living room…" Richter said, not happy with where this was going but most of all…he was still hungry and cereal was out of the question. Leave it to Ratatosk to make eating a difficult task. But this wasn't something he wanted to handle at the moment. He turned right back around and went back into the bed room.

Ratatosk rolled his eyes. "The living room? Wow, I feel loved…" Then he stared at Emil who was, of all the things, smiling. Wasn't he the one that just ticked off Richter…or was it himself…Probably both of them…Yeah that was it. "Uh, what's with that look…?"

"W-well, y-you know-"

"No, actually I don't know."

"B-be quiet R-Ratatosk. I'm t-talking. A-As I was saying…Richter handled t-that pretty w-well, even though h-he might avoid me for the r-rest of the n-night…" Emil said the last part, now frowning. "He's s-so m-mad at me…"

"Well…then give him what he wants!" Ratatosk said, as if he thought that Emil would actually have a clue what he was talking about, which he didn't.

"What does he want?"

A mischievous grin formed on the lord of all Jackasses face.

* * *

I think that my writing improved somewhat. I'm feeling more confident. Maybe this story will turn out to have a lemon/lime in later chapters? Still thinking about it. _e Even though actually, I have this great Idea for a lemon in a separate story.

So; Ratatosk is making everything so much harder. Richter can not eat a decent meal without getting slopped.

Now let's play a game called; how many times will Richter will have to take a shower in this story!

Current Count: 3

*Special K.- Cereal the women usually ate to lose weight...poor Emil.

*Fruit loops- "gay" version on Cheerios, or so they say. Basically Ratatosk cracked a gay joke.

Please Review! :D


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